i love how i am always harping about how people who don't know me need to not judge me,blah blah...
Saturday, August 29, 2009
i love how i am always harping about how people who don't know me need to not judge me,blah blah...
Yet I do it to people..
Hypocrisy mayhem? getcha --i shud take my own advice sometimes?
So there is someone who is on youtube,but i didn't really know them from there...they are on BGC as well..and have a website ive been to,& i saw them on twitter.
Well just judging from pictures alone I thought they were this big rude conceited cunty bitch (and not the good kind)....u kno..ur typical catty queen...
so i wandered into their tinychat (under an assumed named & without gettin on cam)...out of fear of getting attacked lmao
i eventually was lured onto my cam after some coaxing & we started chatting it up
& they are actually nice ,dare i use the term "sweetie pie" ?...wat a shock...u really shudnt judge..or "jurdge" a book by it's cover..yet i tend to do that a lot
...so many people..especially gay men...who look a certain way..usually act a certain way..so i often assume that to be the case for everyone..which i shudnt..hm..generalization mayhem?..getcha stereotypes on?
well shame shame on me
but now I know...& i can commence stalking & forcing them to be my bff
...its good to know that not all glamorous & fabulous people think they shit dont stink & everyone is beneath them...i mean...im glamorous & fabulous...& i dont think that! ;-)
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Too bad not that many people seem to read this,because I enjoy blogging again,takes me back to my days on Xanga! But Oh well,il write for my own good & the few that actually do read this.
I am tempted to go back to my old xanga from High School & read some of the entries (that was the spot back in the day).But I am afraid everything will be too cringe worthy to endure! lol
I just went to my xanga & I had not written on there in almost 2 years..woah!
Anywho,I like writing,sadly I never do it.Infact I never do a lot of things I could,should & would be doing.
I feel like I am the epitome of DOING TOO MUCH
So much i want to do yet I feel like despite my over abundance of free time,I feel like I do not have time for it,on one hand life moves so slowly,but only because I have not progressed in many ways.I am pretty much the same place doing the same thing I have been for years.
At home & going to school,I feel like I will be in this loop forever.
Yet I also feel like time is moving so rapidly I cannot keep up.
A year ago Iquo was here & i was thinking it will be forever before she gets back & now after what seems like a blink of an eye,she is back.
This past year FLEW by,& i feel like I never got a chance to stop & get anything done.
I want to do so much yet do so little,I think I can attribute my poor memory & constant fatigue to this.Two things caused by celiac.
I feel like this is so crippling & I am wasting my life & will wake up one day an old man who got nothing done.
Even something simple like Youtube,while people may think my vids are divine,I hate them because I want to & KNOW I can do so much more,yet it never gets done,when I can muster the energy to do something,it seems like there never is any time to do it. & I hate that,especially in relation tot he rest of my life.
I just hope one day my body can catch up to my brain & i can do what I know what I am capable of.
If I was muscular,more masculine & always wore contacts,I wonder what people would mock,tease,taunt,harass, & make fun of me for? Aside from race,those seem to be people's main focal points.
My weight,apparent "femininity", & my glasses.
There must be much else since those are so repeated,or perhaps because they have such simplicity.
But because no matter what or how you are,there will always be people who criticize you,I just wonder,what else could people find.
Hm,knowing people today I would then be "too butch" & "too ripped".But there will always be someone who is not pleased,you cannot please everyone,therefore I please no one.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
I need to learn to let go of bitterness.If someone does something I don't like I go on & on about it for years!
I don't sit up throwing darts at pictures of their face or let my hate consume my life. However it is constant & long lasting & if anyone mentions their name I always respond, "that bitch".
Yeh that is not very Christ-like. At least I no longer feel the need to seek horrible revenge on everyone who wrongs me because "vengeance is mine said that Lord",although as I told my friend Leslie,"Can't God at least tell me when he is gon do it so I can watch?". But I guess it doesn't work like that.
Anyway,it is not good to let someone have that kind of control over your emotions,the energy put into negativity can be used towards something positive,like fapping.
Nothing good can come of negative vibes,Karm is one bad bitch & she will do her job.
Because chances are,the people you are so hell bent on hating 24/7 aint thinkin a damn thing about YOU,so "how you doin today?"
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I do not understand why people who watch my videos sometimes have the feeling to then know every aspect of my life.I don't do that with people I watch on Youtube,or even real celebrities. I just watch their shit & keep it pushing.I don't care what you do when you aren't in front of a camera making me laugh..or cum..or whatever I am watching you for. (LOL)
Yet many of my "fans" or "followers" or "supporters" or whatever you want to call them,act like my life is so UBER fascinating and they most know every detail about it.
Um,nosey much? I know that the "life of a celeb" is that people will do stuff like that & I can understand that to a degree. But everything aint for everybody! It's not even that they are asking about my life as much as many of them just want to be my new bff. Which is weird.
Or they want to get to know me in the sense of "seeing how I really am beyond my videos. & As lovely as that is,again I reiterate,that is not for everyone.
Something a lot of people do not know is that my internet persona (Youtube,Facebook,Twitter,etc) is not really how I am.Of course I am like that to a degree,that is a part of me,but I am not like that all the time....that would be HIGHLY exhausting for me as well as those around me.
Many people who have met me after watching me seem surprised (and often disappointed) at how tame,mild,quiet,etc I can be in person compared to videos.
Who the hell has the energy or interest for that matter in going around "wrecking shop" & cussing people out all the time? That's kind of annoying.
I just keep up this "E-Baller" mentality for entertainment purposes. My "fans" watch & follow me because that is what they like about me. Just like people like (and hate) Mark Anthony because he is all nice & crap. Also like him,the same thing many love about me is also what many hate.
Now I could just be regular ole plain me all the time.But who wants that? I have an image to uphold.I do not want to become known for being nice,thats no fun! lol...unless you are the Pope...and those Hats would fuck up my hair.
I always have a wall up when it comes to people online...which is odd,because in person I am very friendly & don't mind letting people get to know me.But I figure being bitchy & crude will keep people form trying to get too close & talk to me (weird I know) Infact I was talked to two diff ppl I know off youtube the other day & for the first time in each instant I let them see my serious/caring/helpful w/e u wanna call it side & they both seemed freaked out lol,but also revealed to know I am not always cuntilicious & a hot mess...they shud also feel special and they better not tell anyone my secret cus il denial!! (as i blog about it)
But online, I MAY let you in a little,but chances are,despite what I may divulge,etc...you hav eno chances of infiltrating into what really makes me,me.
Which is sad to a degree because many people (even some I talk to regularly) only know me for the wretched cunt who makes jokes about the holocaust & mocks Michael Jackson & not for the "other" person I can be.
But as I said earlier,everything is not for everyone.
I cannot be nice to everyone because people take advantage of that.Now maybe I am being paranoid,but I see plenty of people who want to be everyone's best friend always with a kind word & a shoulder to cry on & they end up being shatted on (not shit,but shat).
Also,many people are fake,especially online,& I suppose by saying I am not really this angry/out of control,I can be put into that fake category as well.
Now once I have gotten to know you & think you are worthy,you MIGHT get the honor of getting to know me for more than my internet self.(now for those reading & wondering if you are the lucky few,let me make it easier lol...i always tell the person in one way or another they have this honor,so if i havent told you,then you havent.) haha
Maybe I am paranoid or putting too much into it.But I am not trying to befriend a bunch of random people offline.I could see if this is how i treated everyone,but this only applies to online people,more specifically those who know me as BarrettTV.
If you meet me in the real world,you surpass all of this.But people already form in their head what they want to once they have viewed a video,pictures,blogs,etc.
Maybe the web is my outlet for my devilish side..idk..but despite me flying across the country to meet people off of youtube & meeting friends from Facebook or even dating people from BGC,I think looking for friends online is fuckin weird. & People who do it are weirdos.
I am not one of those people *cough claxton...cough dari* who made Youtube accounts because I had no friends or wanted to make new ones.
I made one for shits & giggles,I never thought I'd get popular & I never thought I'd meet anyone off of there.
Like Judge Cristina said,BarrettTV is a part of me,but it isn't all of me & people need to understand that!
Do you think I really give a shit about DannacaLynn? Hell No! I just wanted views! Yes my opinions were real,but I was not that mad about it,it was dramatic effect,I am an actor lol...I always "wreck shop" cus people like that,now yes I am really feeling feisty & in the moment,but really..deep down..i dont give a fuck lmao...just like when I curse people out on twitter..i may be TYPING IN CAPS...but in reality I am chillin like a villain.
Thats why I get so mad when people judge me because thats not "Exactly" me,dont tweet me cus you are mad i made a rape joke talking about that aint funny..cus there are 10 people following me who just retweeted me talkin bout sum "LOL"
I could sit here and name 10 people who try to "befriend" me online,knowing they are shady as fuck. & yeh I might play along & talk to them (maybe making me just as shady),but I know we aren't & wont be real friends.....unfortunately for them
Because it is my real friends who get to see me as the Cunt AND Great person I am (getcha best of both worlds on?)
Maybe that is how I can do & say some of the awful things I do & not feel that bad lol,because I know I am not always like that,and in my down time from doing evil I can also do good.
Now I am not saying I am an Angel Offline,because I can be an asshole in person too,but it is not as often as online & only done when needed.
My real friends can attest to that,I mean if I was that bad I dont think Id have friends...unless they were just as bad as me,which I would not like either.
But if you ever got the honor of being considered my real friend you can look forward to such luxuries as being able to call me all kinds of crazy ass hours (and if I am awake lol) I will listen to your 5000 problems & give you some GOOD ASS advice to go with it.
Or call me and ask me to rush over without any further explanation other than "I really need to talk to you",or maybe just have me there for you when you need me,cheering you up when you are down (awkwardly) "attempting to comfort you when you are crying or having your back RIDE OR DIE STYLE & talkin shit with you about those who wrong you & having 101 ways to seek horrid revenge!!
BUT...thats not for everyone lol..but some do get some of the perks without the work...but the package deal is much better,unfortunately even people I meet in person often end up assholes who dont get to keep the title of friend very long,but hey,their loss too!
Cus online,offline..either way I think I am the shit,the pee,the vomit,the cum,the puss (ok im dtm)...and i love me!...so fuck everyone else,especially people in the computer who dont even know me!
[damn i type a lot,but as you can tell when it comes to "shitty friends" & "annoying ass youtube people" i can talk for days,so expect a lot of blogs about that...oh and smegma of course"]
I have finally succumbed to the pressures of the internet and started a blog.besides,atleast this way no one can make one of these claiming to be me & uploading all kinds of nonsense!
I used to write a lot on Facebook...but i have deleted so many people that no one would see it!
I dont mean to toot my horn,but as my friend Crystal would say "I live for your facebook notes".
I also used to write on myspace,but I barely go on there anymore.
I was afraid that no one would read it...but I guess whether or not anyone reads this,I will enjoy writing on it because writing is fun! LOL
Too bad I dont know how to do any fancy stuff like make banners or upload any pictures..so unless someone wants to help,this will look pretty plain...but yeh i hope whoever reads this likes it...it will probably be just as messy as I am on Youtube...Twitter...and everywhere else....